It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
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