I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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