I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
