where am i from again
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Randomize
