so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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