70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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