I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
