Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
