he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
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