be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
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Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
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