I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
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To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
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Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.