This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
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Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
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Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you