Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(843): View more from South Carolina

plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.

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(843): plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone. http://tfl.nu/rlid

Replies (69) Good night (5146) Bad night (819)
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(410): View more from Maryland

You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.

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(410): You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out. http://tfl.nu/phll

Replies (17) Good night (3326) Bad night (715)
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(818): View more from California

I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar

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(818): I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar http://tfl.nu/o7a0

Replies (13) Good night (3992) Bad night (982)
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(330): View more from Ohio

My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for

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(330): My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for http://tfl.nu/h1bq

Replies (18) Good night (4800) Bad night (1178)
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(613): View more from Ontario

I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games

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(613): I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games http://tfl.nu/74pd

Replies (18) Good night (4294) Bad night (1360)
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(704): View more from North Carolina

a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.

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(704): a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you. http://tfl.nu/45tv

Replies (2) Good night (2898) Bad night (946)
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(917): View more from New York City

Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.

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(917): Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea. http://tfl.nu/2kaw

Replies (12) Good night (1901) Bad night (1088)
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(512): View more from Texas

you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday

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(512): you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday http://tfl.nu/6yij

Replies (2) Good night (2451) Bad night (722)
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(401): View more from Rhode Island

Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.

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(401): Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically. http://tfl.nu/4j6y

Replies (17) Good night (1512) Bad night (846)
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(845): View more from New York

I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin

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(845): I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin http://tfl.nu/w07j

Replies (22) Good night (745) Bad night (1901)
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(512): View more from Texas

Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.

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(512): Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back. http://tfl.nu/xf8c

Replies (5) Good night (1089) Bad night (574)
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(661): View more from California

I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.

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(661): I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body. http://tfl.nu/1u6s

Replies (1) Good night (886) Bad night (453)
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(207): View more from Maine

But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome

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(207): But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome http://tfl.nu/qpzb

Replies (8) Good night (752) Bad night (430)
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(616): View more from Michigan

i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.

(616): View more from Michigan

i realized i waste a lot of time

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(616): i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday. (616): i realized i waste a lot of time http://tfl.nu/b26v

Replies (0) Good night (855) Bad night (311)
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(651): View more from Minnesota

I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.

(715): View more from Wisconsin

I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.

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(651): I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant. (715): I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40. http://tfl.nu/ewh2

Replies (3) Good night (774) Bad night (529)

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