The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.