just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Randomize
