just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Randomize
