I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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