Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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