I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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