I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
