doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Randomize
