Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
