I looked at my own cervix.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize
