Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
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