Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
