I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
