If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
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For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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