Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Randomize
