Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
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