3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
