Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
