I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
