my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Randomize
