Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize