Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I'm like, not good at living.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
