Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
