There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Randomize
