remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Randomize
