I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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