Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
He felt like a one man threesome
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Randomize
