I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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