they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
