So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize
