He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Randomize
