Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
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