Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
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How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
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