Swine flu. Run for my life!
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
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