Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
