This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
