I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
We are two peas in an std pod
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
