She said her name was "party"
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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