After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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