you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I am full of burrito and curiosity
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Randomize
