I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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