Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize
