Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
