neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
