you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
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