and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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