I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
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