Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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