You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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