It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Randomize
