I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
there's paper in my vomit.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
did i walk over a car last night?
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Randomize
